We’re starting couples counseling next week. Wow, wait. I didn’t think I could say that out loud. I’m so afraid of the discrimination and stigma from others at the mere mention of it. Like they’re thinking we’re already headed straight to divorce and this is a last-ditch effort to save a marriage.
We’ve been going back and forth on the idea of it for a while now. We know things have changed between us. That’s inevitable in any relationship. However, the entire bedrock of our marriage was put through a massive trauma when we lost Emmett. Needless to say, we have a lot of things to work on and we want to be proactive to cope with them together before we get to a point-of-no-return.
Continue reading “The 10-Year Itch”
My most recent article for Still Standing Magazine is up. I was really hesitant to write this one because I’m not one to discuss my faith or God much. I didn’t really have much a relationship with God until the loss and it’s something I’ve struggled with. But, I’ve been trying to get into the habit of reading the Bible daily since so many questions can’t ever be answered in life. Having faith, in a way, provides those answers to some of the questions or at least offers some comfort and solace to those who are grieving.
Read the full post
On the advice of my support group leader AND my therapist, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to the “old” me. I’ve been struggling A LOT lately with my emotions. I’m easily angered and frustrated these days. I had a meltdown the other day when I couldn’t figure out how to get the allergen protector back on the mattress after I washed it. It was ugly.
My therapist thinks this will help me process all of the emotions that I’ve been feeling lately and that I won’t be as hard on myself as I tend to be. I’ve been super procrastinating on this assignment because I know it’s going to cause the waterworks. I’ve decided to write the letter to the “me” on my wedding day, back on Feb. 15, 2008. Here goes…
Today is going to be one of the happiest days of your lives. You’re going to be surrounded by people who love and care for you. People who will do anything for you and just want you to be happy.
Continue reading “A Letter About Life and Loss to the Old Me”
Benedict Cumberbatch is my favorite actor out there right now. He’s starring in the BBC/PBS adaptation of Ian McEwan’s book “The Child in Time”, about a couple who loses their young daughter and the subsequent aftermath on their relationship. While it isn’t about pregnancy or infant loss, the film’s main themes, including grief and relationships after loss, transcend any loss of a child.
Take a look:
P.S. Just fore-warning everyone now, get me a box of Kleenex and leave me alone during this one.
I’ve been struggling with migraines the past week or so. The debilitating type. I luckily haven’t had them in a while but something has triggered them again and it’s concerning me. I have an appointment with my neurologist this month so hopefully I’ll have some answers since it’s so unnerving to not know the cause of things outside of your control.
I’ve been wanting to write more but just haven’t had the energy. I seem to be turning the corner so hopefully I’ll get some more posts up within the next few weeks. In the meantime, earlier this week, my first piece for Still Standing Magazine posted about “How A Memorial Tattoo Helped Me Mourn My Son.” Check it out…
I have a confession to make. I haven’t been honest with you and I’ve struggled with coming clean. I feel like I’ve been living a horrible lie since we haven’t shared this with anyone.
Most of you know Emmett’s story. You know that doctor’s suspected our baby had developed Turner’s Syndrome, and that was the reason for many of the complications during our pregnancy. Babies with Turner’s Syndrome only have one X chromosome so it only affects females. Because of that diagnosis, we picked the name “Emma” shortly after the ultrasound for our baby but we only told a few family members.
After I delivered, the nurses and doctors took the baby away for measurements. I asked to hold “Emma”. They came back in asking, “What makes you think your baby is a girl?” We replied, “The doctors told us our baby had Turner’s Syndrome and that she’s a girl after our ultrasounds.”
Continue reading “I Have a Confession”