I’ve been struggling with migraines the past week or so. The debilitating type. I luckily haven’t had them in a while but something has triggered them again and it’s concerning me. I have an appointment with my neurologist this month so hopefully I’ll have some answers since it’s so unnerving to not know the cause of things outside of your control.
I’ve been wanting to write more but just haven’t had the energy. I seem to be turning the corner so hopefully I’ll get some more posts up within the next few weeks. In the meantime, earlier this week, my first piece for Still Standing Magazine posted about “How A Memorial Tattoo Helped Me Mourn My Son.” Check it out…
I’m excited to announce that I’ve joined the writing team at Still Standing Magazine as a regular contributor. I’m working on my first posts now, which will start to appear later this summer.
I am really humbled to be joining a wonderful and talented group of writers from all over the world. I hate that we’re all connected by such a tragedy as losing a child. I hope that I can share some of the things that I’ve learned and that I’m still learning in my grief process since losing Emmett over a year ago.
In other news, I also wanted to share that Emmett’s Sole Mates raised nearly $4,000 to benefit The Massachusetts Chapter of The TEARS Foundation and was the third place team for fundraising total. We fell just short of our $5,000 goal but Brett and I are truly amazed at all of the love and support we have received from family and friends, far and wide who made a gift in honor of our sweet baby. If you would still like to donate, you can! Just click here.
The walk was held back on June 25 and it was a gorgeous but emotional day. Overall, the chapter raised more than $43,000, crushing their fundraising from last year’s inaugural walk. As one of the walk committee members, it’s so inspiring to see a community come together to be able to help provide supportive services to those in need.
I also appeared with several of our other chapter members on a local TV show as a panelist discussing pregnancy and infant loss as well as the walk. You can still watch it here:
Finally, it may seem quiet over on Facebook this month. I’m taking a hiatus from the social networking site as part of my self-care routing for the month of July. You can still find me Tweeting or Instagramming if you want to see what I’m up to these days. But, I shall return to the land of Facebook again in August.
Just wanted to take a sec to let you know some other ways you can stay in touch with Missing Emmett:
- Email notifications. On the right side of the site, under the search field, click “Follow” and enter your email address. Then, anytime we make a new post, you’ll be notified straight away! (If you have a WordPress site, you can also sign-up by using the “Reader” tool.)
- Facebook. Follow our Facebook Page at www.facebook.com/missingemmett. Receive updates of new blog posts plus other useful resources and information from the interwebs.
- Instagram. Follow Emmett’s mom, Christina, on Instagram @xtinarelacion, where she posts random different photos not just about grief and pregnancy loss, but about Emmett’s fur brother, food, her massive love of all things Disney, and more.
- Crowdrise. Join Emmett’s Sole Mates, a team to support the Massachusetts Chapter of The TEARS Foundation’s annual Rock & Walk Event.
You can help by “Joining” the team as a participant. Even if you can’t attend the physical event, you can join as a virtual walker and help fundraise along with the other members of the team. You also can “Donate” to the team. Make a gift to help us reach our $5,000 fundraising goal by June 25, 2017. (If you’d like to become an event sponsor, please let me know by using the “Contact” page and I’ll reach out with more info.)
We hope you will connect with us on some of these other channels or share with others who may benefit.
Thank you again for all of your love and support on this journey.
So, I’m sitting at Starbucks today. Got out of the house to do some work since it’s a gloomy, drizzly fall day.
A few minutes after I sat down, a couple with twin boys, no more than 3 or 4 years old, sat down at the table next to me. The kids were bopping and bouncing to the music, happily chomping on their little snack boxes of fruit and cheese. I couldn’t help but smile as I looked over at them. One of the boys exclaimed, “Mommy! She has your computer,” while I typed away on my Mac putting together an email newsletter for a client. “Yes, hunny, that is the same as Mommy’s computer at home.” We just silently smiled at each other.
The couple started talking to the woman on the opposite side of them and I overheard, “Do you have any other kids?” My heart just sank momentarily. Thinking to myself. Oh god, please don’t talk to me. I don’t want to answer that. I’ve actually not had anyone ask if I have kids since losing Emmett so I haven’t had to answer that particular question yet. I know it’s going to come up some day. I’ll probably be honest and just say I have an angel baby. But there are times where it just takes more energy to be honest and it’s easier to utter no even though in my heart it’s an awful lie.
Continue reading “November Link Roundup”
We were shopping a week or so ago and came across a display of baby Halloween costumes outside a store, already on clearance… the little Nemo’s, pumpkins, monkeys. All of them were so cute to bundle a newborn up in. I was so looking forward to dressing Emmett up this year.
I wasn’t even really all that sad seeing them. It was more this pang of disappointment in my chest, knowing that we’ll just be missing out on something this Halloween. It has me looking towards the larger holidays still to come – Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s – all with a bit of dread, instead of the usual excitement. We were walking around Home Depot this past weekend, looking at Christmas lights. Deep in my heart thinking that we have to continue through the holidays just without Emmett. It sucks. Plain and simple.
Yesterday, I was just a mess. Couldn’t find the will to get through my work to-do list, fighting a migraine. I left the house around lunchtime just to get together with Brett to see if he could cheer me up over a cup of coffee. I still have those days that are just harder than others. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could just move on, forget sometimes that this has happened to us. But I can’t. I hate crying myself to sleep at night, silently whimpering and grasping for the dog in the dark since I can just feel him breathe next to me. Something real. I find myself laying my head on his chest just moving up and down with his breath. Sometimes that’s the only thing that can calm me down as I count his breaths, slowly and methodically and drift off into a not-so-peaceful sleep.
Grief and loss just sucks. You have to continue even after the heartbeat of your loved one has stopped. Some days you can muddle your way through but others it’s so hard with the longing and the wishful thinking clouding your brain.
Continue reading “October Link Roundup”
Autumn is upon us. My favorite time of the year.
The leaves are changing. You can keep the windows open at night for a breath of fresh air. And of course, there’s apple cider and everything pumpkin.
While I am disappointed that we won’t be able to celebrate Halloween with Emmett, I’m not entirely dreading the upcoming holidays…well, at least I’m not yet. Since we had known he would be joining us in the fall, we were hoping to do a family costume this year when we go trick-or-treating with our godson and his family. As I mentioned in this post, we’re a huge Disney family. Since Disney purchased Marvel, all of our fandoms have kindly aligned. We loved the 2014 sleeper hit Guardians of the Galaxy and had hoped to be Star-Lord, Gamora and a baby Rocket Racoon. Adorbs, right?
We’ve been doing this blog now for just about a month. First, I just want to say thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I can’t express how thankful I am that people are reading and sharing Emmett’s story. I’ve received countless texts, emails and private messages that his story has resonated with people. Some who’ve never even shared that they had a miscarriage or loss with anyone else before. I’m grateful that my family’s experience can help others and provide some solace during a time of such despair and loneliness. I hope we can continue to go on this journey together.
Continue reading “September Link Roundup”