A Different Kind of Mother’s Day

This weekend is Mother’s Day.

Last year, I was still numb and in too much physical and emotional pain to even care. It didn’t occur to me that friends from afar were sending me messages on that first holiday for me as a mother. I had nothing to celebrate because I didn’t think I was a mother. My baby was no longer with me. I still have difficulty believing that I’m a mother some days. But, I am.

mother's day

There are a lot of us “hidden” mothers out there. We don’t have living children alongside us. We don’t get the cheerful, handmade cards. We don’t get breakfast in bed with extra snuggles.

We watch from the sidelines all of the joy upon other moms faces as they get to embrace their little ones during brunch. We stifle back the tears so you don’t see the hurt on our face. We’re the mothers that are so often forgotten.

This year, Mother’s Day happens to be on Brett’s 35th birthday. We’re going to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 on Saturday with our nephew. Then, on Sunday, time for the six-month trip to Jared’s to get the engagement and wedding ring cleaned and inspected. Crazy time, I know?

Coincidentally, this weekend is also the 10-year anniversary of us getting engaged. It was the weekend of my grad school commencement. My Dad, brother and I plus all of Brett’s family were in Boston for the weekend. There must’ve been at least 15 of us.

Brett is super cute. He was adamant that we have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory at the Prudential Center that evening. So, we waited more than three hours for a table. I was starving and getting hangry after a day of travel. I was nagging, “Why can’t we just eat some place else.” Nope. Had to be Cheesecake.

Why?

Well, that’s where our first date was a few years earlier. He wanted us to be surrounded by all of our family when he popped the question. To my surprise, he had done a lot of prepping for his proposal. He asked my Dad for his blessing. He called the TSA to make sure it would be OK to bring the ring in his carry-on.

Oh, wait…he didn’t ask anyone to take photos of us after he asked. We seriously just realized the other night that we have no pictures of us the night of our engagement. We have pictures for everything else but not that. Oh, well.

So, I’m hoping we get to go to Cheesecake this weekend. It’s our thing on our anniversaries and special occasions. It’s going to be hard seeing all of the other moms who are there celebrating since this year I’m actually conscious to the fact that it is Mother’s Day. Yet, I’m ok with things. I’m happy we can have “date day” together and a different kind of Mother’s Day. One that’s just for us.

Please remember the “hidden mothers” out there this weekend (and same for the “hidden dads” next month in June). Send them a note that you’re thinking of them and their precious baby. It’s a tough time for them but your thoughtful gesture and recognizing their child means a lot.

 

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