Happy Halloween…Or is it?

Today is Halloween. Yet another one of those holidays, milestones.

I do like Halloween and dressing up. I wish Brett and I actually dressed up more for it. We always say to each other that we should be Morticia and Gomez from “The Addams Family” some year. One day Cara Mia, one day.

We had an annual tradition at one of my former employer’s to dress-up. I had a colleague who had awesome costumes. One year he was an outhouse. It was epic. This was my costume (below) from two years ago as Darla from “Finding Nemo” that won the annual contest. Loved this costume. I did so much research and looking at stills of the movie to try to get it accurate. Went to the thrift shop to find the purple sweater. I had the “Rock ‘n Roll Girl” decal to iron on but it just didn’t work right so I had to scrap that part. Had to make do with a paper clip and rubber band for the retainer…wish I still had my headgear. That would’ve totally completed the entire outfit. That was about two cans worth of orange hairspray. Note to future self: don’t ever use that again. It gets everywhere.


I had all of these dreams and expectations for what these holidays, like Halloween, were going to be like with a baby.

Emmett should be like six-weeks old. We had these huge plans to do a family costume this year and go as part of the team from Marvel’s “The Guardians of the Galaxy.” Brett was going to be Star-Lord. I was going to be Gamora (I was a bit hopeful I would be able to fit into her skintight outfit one-month after delivery). Emmett was going to be a sassy Rocket Raccoon.

Screenshot of Gamora, Star-Lord and Rocket Raccoon from Marvel’s “Guardians of the Galaxy” film, 2014 Disney/Marvel.

We were going to go trick-or-treating with our godson’s family as he dressed up as a little scarecrow and his older brother was Darth Firefighter (he can’t decide between Darth Vader and firefighter, which I totally get, since both are awesome).

Instead, it’s just going to be us again. It’s cool and everything. We love hanging out with our godson’s family. But, there just should be someone else who should be there with us tonight as we head out and enjoy the spooky fun. In my heart, I’m going to know someone is missing who should be with us. That’s how all of these upcoming holidays are going to be. Just like there’s this missing puzzle piece.

I hope Emmett is dressing up tonight in heaven. He was going to be the cutest damn little Rocket Raccoon ever. I hope he gets a bunch of candy and enjoys it with all of his other angel baby friends. I hope he knows how much I think about him and miss him every day.



2 thoughts on “Happy Halloween…Or is it?

  1. Grandma would have flown overnight if need be to see Emmett’s choice of costume.
    Gary and I don’t celebrate Halloween because it’s our personal choice so we don’t get dress up. But we’ve always had a bag of candies ready to hand-out and a huge smile ready to greet all the kids. Its all about bringing joy to them, isn’t it.

    No this isn’t a Happy Halloween. It’s a reminder for me that I’m still mourning the lost milestone, my grandson.

    Yesterday I experienced another “loss”, but I don’t think most people have the compassion to understand or the courage to talk about it—Spiritual death & Spiritual Suicide.
    Coupled with today’s Halloween, missing Emmett, it’ll be another difficult day, as a mother and a grandmother😢 It’s always doubly hard for us.🙏🏼


    1. I have read your blogs, Christina and my heart breaks for you. And a special place will always reside in your heart for Emmett and same to you, my sister Liza. You are not meant to forget and it is trite to say that the pain will lessen for it will always be there. What takes away from the sting of loss is the knowledge that Emmett is with God and the happy memories that I hope you will concentrate on rather than the memories that will not be made. But all this will come in its time and not to be rushed. I can’t say that I know or have experienced your pain…but I believe that God has a greater plan for you and Brett. Someday, I hope to meet you and Brett and be connected with my sister again. I miss her so and you should be proud of your mom – she is so strong and so amazing! I love you both.


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