“You need to get over it” is one of the hardest things I can hear from someone. I’d rather hear nothing at all.
I feel like two different people at times. Sometimes there’s glimmers of the old me that come through and can make it through a day but others there’s the shell of a person that’s grasping for a piece of my heart that I’ll never be able to hold. I know it can look like I’m moving on with my life at times but I’ll never get over losing my baby.
The hardest part is being in this last month knowing I should be close to my due date. I should be this big pregnant lady having people touching my belly. Instead it’s just me. I should be having friends host baby showers for me but instead I have friends calling to check up on me. I should be decorating a nursery but instead there are boxes of unopened registry presents that won’t ever be used.
This week has sucked. It’s been one of the worst in the last three months. Some days I’m hopeful that we’ll try again and others the thought scares me to death to even want to try. I’m afraid to be with people at times since I never know when I’ll break down and cry. I feel like I’m in an ocean with the waves crashing over me and I can’t make it to shore.
I know you want me to feel better and you wish you had the words to make me happy again. You just can’t find anything that seems right. That’s ok. I just need to know that you’re thinking of me and that you understand this is my life now. This is the new me that you accept and love just as much.