Mondays and Tuesdays seem to be the worst days of the week for me. Guess it’s because that’s the days I was in the hospital with Emmett. Wednesdays seem like the day where I become a human-being again and less like a zombie going through life’s motions.
We went to our first support group meeting last week and it was actually more comforting than I thought even though we were the only parents there besides the two group leaders. There was a group of nursing students on their maternity rotation who sat in to listen to our story. I actually felt like I was making difference by sharing our story of loss with them to help them become more empathetic care providers.
We have been really lucky throughout this process that our care teams (at two different hospitals) have been so supportive of us and our decisions. In my research, I can’t say that’s the norm for most couples going through this. I’ve worked with at least four OB residents since this all started, from first year to fifth years, and I think it’s been an eye opening experience for them, one of the doctors was in tears after a meeting with us. That’s why I love teaching hospitals. Patients have the opportunity to teach just as much as the professors and doctors with years of experience.
I’m still trying to find the meaning out of everything that happened. I may never have those answers. However, maybe it’s my mission to share Emmett’s story with others to help them understand the experience and remove the stigma of loss and that it’s ok to talk about it, to grieve publicly and mourn a baby that’s been taken too soon.